Parents give dating game a helping hand

Anxiety trumps

But it seems that anxiety trumps rationality among many parents.

“My son, born in 1986, graduated from Fudan University and works at a foreign-funded company,” one father at the Xujiahui event said. “We are looking for a future spouse who was born after 1987 and has family assets of over 5 million yuan.”

Leng Li, a psychologist and marriage counselor, said she has seen too many parents pour too much energy into trying to find a mate for their children.

“It is understandable that parents worry about their children’s marriages,” she said. “But Chinese parents should do more in providing guidance for their children on how to socialize, how to look attractive and how to behave in a confident and charming manner. But that ability is usually lacking in Chinese parents.”

China’s one-child policy hasn’t helped the situation. Too many children born after 1980 were spoiled rotten and became vain and ill-mannered. Parents, with only one child to focus on, become obsessed about that child’s future.

“Youngsters have their own ideas, and parents need to learn to accept them rather than interfere,” Leng said. “In many cases, prospective spouses found by parents are not suitable for their children at all.”

Leng said the guidance she gives parents often falls on deaf ears.

It’s not impossible for single women in their late 20s and early 30s, who have good educations and jobs, to find partners, even if they don’t look like Gong Li. Many of them simply have high standards that they aren’t willing to compromise, Leng said. It’s a bit easier for older men, she added, because many women prefer mature men.

China’s rising divorce rate certainly suggests that not all marriages are made in heaven. Young couples seeking divorces accounted for almost a third of family and marital disputes heard by the Huangpu District People’s Court in the past three years, the court said.

And no prize for guessing what causes many of the divorces — meddling parents!